A response to a NY times article

Original Article 

 Jessica's case I feel is an extreme case. I was in the BDE that she was during that deployment.  I also knew Jessica prior to the deployment. I don't want to diminish the desperate feelings she had when she wrote her blog.  I have sympathy for the depth of pain she was going through.

There are two issues that Jessica is going through...I am only a psychology minor, so I am no SME (subject matter expert).

1. Marital problems
2. Post deployment issues.

I cannot comment on marital issues, as I am not going through a divorce. We have issues, but really who doesn't?  However,  I can comment extensively on post deployment.


I don't think it's fair to blame the Army for their lack of support.

I have been through 2 very tough deployments. The first one my dh (dear husband) was in the 172nd SBCT. This was a fairly easy deployment for the first year, then about 2 days before they were supposed to return we found out on the NEWS that they would not return for another 4 or more months. We ended  up with a 16 month deployment.
My second deployment was with 5-2. we were with 1-17 IN, we lost 23 soldiers, and 41 for the whole BDE.  It was a time I actually feared my dh would not come home safe.  I would trade my 1st deployment for my 2nd in a heartbeat.
I have seen the term secondary PTSD thrown around...I can see how that can apply to a military spouse. My dh has been home for 9 months now, and I can say I am still tired from the deployment. I am not sure if it's because the year was so taxing or if it's because he took command shortly after his return.  My dh just went out on a 22 day field trip, and it put me back in survival mode. Usually a field problem is a little vacation from daddy. The kids and I get into the daddy's gone routine, but not this time. This time was a lot different for me and the kids especially my oldest son.
Saying all that...there are programs out there that can help military spouses. I think part of the problem is not having the programs nonexistent, but using the programs and navigating through the bureaucracy to find  programs. There are many programs out there.  To say the Army doesn't care can be true and not true.  The Army offers many things to spouses, that our civilian counter parts do not have access to.

When I married my husband, did I know what I was getting myself into? 100% yes...and no. I married him pre-9/11, so how could I prepare myself for what I have gone through?  Did I have a basic knowledge of how the Army was run? Yes, I was in the army for a whopping 22 months. Did I know how spouse programs in the Army were run? NOPE!! That was a learning process. My dh has been in the Army for almost 13 years, with 2 years taken off for a Green to Gold opportunity. So my/our time around the army has been closer to 15 years.  Do I think the Army can do more for me? Of course, they can raise our pay, BAH, and lengthen time home.  I also think there needs to be changes to the basic housing regulations. I think that on post housing for company grade officers needs to be improved. (I can write another post about my issues with on-post housing).  I could make a list a mile long, but if the Army met all of my wants, there would still be someone not happy.

To say you wished your husband had died in combat...is appalling to me. I know this hits on a touchy subject with others. I want to respect all parties. However, I will probably offend somebody.  I know women who have lost husbands in war. I have seen their pain first hand, from days following their notification to the process of moving forward.  I know for a fact these women would give up the support they get just to have more time with their husbands.  Even women in troubled marriages, who have experienced the death of their husband,  would not wish an untimely death on their husbands.


Another thing,  positive breeds positivity and misery loves company